Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day - a Day Late

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I knew that. And I thought about my mom several times during the day. She passed away three years ago. It feels like yesterday and my memory of her is shrinking. But it doesn’t take a special day to think about and remember her. Right after that the pandemic started and life has changed a lot since then. We still haven’t resumed our normal activities but are finally beginning to do more. Anyway, my mom was a pillar of strength and could do just about anything and she had a lot of common sense. I was one lucky kid. 

Mom Would Have Been 100 Today

Mom would have been 100 years old today! It’s really hard to believe. She passed away at 96 right before the pandemic arrived. The last trip we took was for her funeral. We haven’t gone anywhere since except to central Virginia to visit family. Of course I always remembered the date making sure something was sent every year along with a birthday greeting phone call. I was also reminded of her birthday today when a text arrived from my mom’s caregiver  - sending greetings to us and wishing mom a happy birthday in heaven. This wonderful woman lived with her family next door to my mom and dad. She not only helped to take care of my dad, but towards the end she and her husband moved in to the house and provided care around the clock for my mom. My mom eventually gave them the house and their family continues to live next door. And today in the mail a pack of old photographs arrived from a friend who lives in the Midwest. She and another friend came with me on a trip to Florida many years ago. We stayed or our house and they met my parents. We obviously went to Disney World and Busch Gardens. It was a lovely time. In those photos are pictures of my mom and dad. It’s so nice to be reminded of mom. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think about her. Happy Birthday! 

Deleting Mom’s iBooks

My mother loved to read. I got her an iPad early on and she learned how to use it not only to send emails, but to look at photos, and read. She had macular degeneration so having the ability to make the print larger was so helpful. So she learned how to purchase and download books. Mom passed away two years ago and all of her books are still on the account because I set it up using my information. My husband has a replacement ipad that we received after I sent my mom’s in to get repaired. They couldn’t fix it so we got this one instead. It doesn’t have a lot of memory or space. So lately he’s been getting notices that he has run out of room. He too likes to read on his ipad. Also a month ago we turned on the iCloud photo option on our devices - something I didn’t want to do but had to because photo stream stopped working. There are thousands of photos now on all of these devices. So I’ve been spending time to delete whatever we don’t need. Aside from that we removed several apps from his device that he never used and freed up space by removing some of his subscriptions. It was kind of sad when I finally deleted my mom’s email account and I had the same feeling when I tried to remove the books - but I couldn’t. They just wouldn’t disappear. I have a feeling I will be forced to contact Apple support but just don’t feel like it. Let’s hope the space issue disappears. But I have my doubts. 

A Day to Remember Mom

I will always remember the day. My mom passed away two years ago on the day after Valentine’s. I had just sent her what I wasn’t sure would be the last card. She was doing poorly the last few weeks after having taken a bad fall at home. But the last year of her life was not at all what she would have wanted it to be. But in her 97 years she lived a good life. Reflecting on it I am taken with her strength - in just about every regard. On top of that was her generosity. I got a text yesterday from the neighbor who literally took care of her twenty four hours a day. She and her family were closer to my mom than any of us were that last year and the good times so many years before that. It’s been hard to get over this loss because the pandemic started around the same time leaving us not a lot of options to “get back to normal.” The one solace I have is to know that everyone goes through the same thing and somehow manage to cope. I guess I knew her for such a long time! It’s hard to forget her and I hope I never will. 

Happy Birthday Mom

She would have been 99 years old today! It’s hard to believe that mom almost reached that milestone. I usually sent her flowers for her birthday only to learn later that she didn’t really care for them. But I’m happy to say that I never missed her birthday and always called to say hello. Here is to wishing you a happy day today! Happy Birthday Mom! I think about you every day. 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day Mom - miss you!

It’s Been a Year

Valentine’s Day was never a big deal in our house. We like to think that every day is Valentine’s Day. Last year I sent a card to my mom, not knowing it would be the last time. My mom passed away the day after, so today marks the first anniversary since her death. It was also the last time we took a trip anywhere. When we returned from Florida the lockdown started shortly thereafter and life has not been the same since. Everyone says things get better as time goes by and that is true. At least now I can talk about her without my voice breaking or tears welling up. Mom was 96 after all. She had a good life and the last year was not very nice. It was hard to watch her deteriorate and I had a feeling the last time we saw her would indeed be the last time we saw her. I took a lot of photos of pictures in albums while we were home going through stuff. The “estate” isn’t quite settled yet. So I’ll take this time to remember mom. The only consolation I have is that everyone goes through it and somehow most of them figure out a way to cope. It’s getting easier, but I know I’ll never forget. 

Mom’s Birthday

I never needed to be reminded. Today is my mom’s birthday. But it’s the first birthday that she is no longer with us. She passed away last year on February 15th, in the same month that she was born. She would have been 98 today! There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about her. Our last trip before the pandemic was her funeral, so it’s taking me a while to adjust to it all. Her affairs are still being settled, so there is still paperwork to complete. Yesterday I got an email reminder that today was her day, and have received other notifications from places that I’ve ordered things from for her - like flowers and food items. On our wall is a painting I made that is one of my favorites. My dad took the photograph at Mystic Seaport in Connecticut when I was about three or four years old. It shows the rear view of my mom walking with me, my brother and sister in the old village. She always made sure that we were dressed perfectly and this was one of those occasions. There’s something about New England that is in my soul and this image represents that time and place. Wishing you a very happy birthday Mom! 

A Thoughtful Gesture, A Christmas Poem

Yesterday a large envelope arrived in the mail. The return address was from someone I knew at work before we moved to DC. I do recall she asked for my address soon after my mom passed away in February saying something about sending a note to remember her. Well, that is what arrived in the mail yesterday. Apparently someone had sent her a poem following her father’s death and the words brought comfort to a grieving daughter during the holiday season. It was a very thoughtful and kind gesture, especially since it was so unexpected. Enclosed was a hard copy of the poem with my mom’s photo - the same photo used in her obituary - and two additional copies to share with my brother and sister. I didn’t read it right away but waited for later in the day. I think about my mom every all the time and wonder how other people react to their loss. Everyone goes through it - which is one of the reasons that makes it tolerable. I don’t particularly care for holidays and this year it’s worse because we don’t have the routine diversions. But I really appreciate the kind gesture. Thanks Shirley. 

Six Months to the Day

It’s been six months to the day. My mom passed away on a Saturday afternoon on February 15. It’s easy to remember because it’s the day after Valentine’s Day and she was born in February. I think about her every day still. It was a whirlwind drive to and from Florida and the funeral. My parents made all the arrangements a long time ago and she was buried at a Florida National Cemetery next to my Dad. She was a Navy veteran - something both my parents were proud of. We were able to celebrate her life right before the pandemic struck. But it seems like it happened so quickly. It just so happens that I received an email from my cousin yesterday that includes a translated Polish letter her mother wrote about twenty years ago. It describes my mom’s family unit and included a lot of information I already knew about but was interested to hear again. The “estate” isn’t settled yet, but there is no hurry. Everything feels like it’s been put on hold and it doesn’t appear that things will normalize again for quite some time. We used to meet every month with my siblings and that has stopped, so there really wasn’t any opportunity to relive things as one might normally do. Our routine has changed and we don’t see anyone. Somehow it doesn’t seem fair but I don’t know what that should even mean anymore. This was supposed to be a time to “enjoy” our golden years. I just don’t see that happening. I feel like I’m still stuck in February. 

Happy Mother’s Day

First Mother’s Day without you

Mom’s IPad

My mom passed away almost three months ago. I called her every week since I left home for college, and wrote millions of letters and cards in between. I got her a Presto machine that sent photos - it was a printer that printed whatever I sent to her printer address. When the iPad came along, I got her one - she was 90 and she took to it like a bird flies after a bit of apprehension. She always took on challenges and looked ahead. She loved looking at the photos, playing solitaire, and downloading and reading books - the large type helped because she had macular degeneration. When her first iPad couldn’t download books anymore, we got her another one three years ago. It was a bit more tricky to use and she would often call it “that stupid iPad” whenever it started acting up. She preferred the simpler version. When she passed away, I got her iPad. The first thing I did was update it to the newest operating system. Ever since then, it’s gone dead - literally. I’ve tried everything and nothing works. Since I can’t take it in to the Apple store, I looked to see what my options were. I was directed to the Apple site, selected the iPad I’m having a problem with, and picked the issue. It then gave an estimate of how much it would cost including shipping. They are supposed to send me a box to return to them with a promise to turn it around within 5-10 business days. I needed to remove the SIM card and remove any peripherals and covers. So now I’m waiting for the box in the hopes we can finally use mom’s iPad again. My husband’s mini has a cracked glass so he’s been using my really old and heavy iPad. Unfortunately my other iPad also died when up updated the operating system. It was used for all my digital art until I got an IpadPro last summer. Obviously the problem occurs when the operating system is updated to the latest and newest version all at once without the incremental updates in between. Neither mom’s nor mine was updated incrementally. Wouldn’t you know it happened during a pandemic when we need these devices more than ever. Luckily for us we have backups. It’s cheaper to get it repaired than to buy a new one. Time will tell if that actually is the case. Until that happens, I agree with mom and her “stupid iPad.”

Living My Mom’s Life

There’s really not a photo for this blog today. My mom passed away two months ago. She was 97 and lived a good life. I was in weekly phone contact with her since I went away to college forty five years ago and many times weekly using a lot of different methods over the years - letters and cards, photos, Presto, and finally emails via our iPads. The last year was particularly difficult for her. The emails slowly ended, and the conversations were the same every week, until there were none. She would say there was nothing to tell me because nothing changed from day to day. This, after months of not wanting to talk to any of us due to side effects from the iv antibiotic therapy she was getting for an amputated forefoot. It all seemed so unnecessary. Logically it made sense she was slowly leaving us and she was in control until the end. When she started asking for dad I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. But her last year reminds me of our current quarantine. We luckily don’t have to make almost weekly visits to the doctor. But we do have to stay in the house - maybe more than a lot of other people, but it feels suffocating at times. I am thankful for everything we have and have no right to complain. And I’m not. But every once in a while I get claustrophobic and it feels like Groundhog Day because it is. I used to like that movie. I often wonder what age would be the best during times like this? It’s all about the attitude I’m sure - just like anything else. 

The Bromeliad Surprise

There was a message that there was a flower delivery for us in the lobby of our condo. We had no idea what it could be, or who it was from, except that my mom passed away recently. When I went to retrieve it I wasn’t surprised at all that it was from our friends Mike and Ben. I worked with Mike at the Library of  Congress for ten years. What was funny about it is that Mike was from Florida, like me, and he went to Florida State, like me. Towards the end of my work life, we had coffee every morning. He visited with us at our condo on Capitol Hill and we got to know him and his family. When we were driving to Florida last week, Mike was texting us every day asking how we were doing and generally following us on the journey with my mom. So yesterday we received a bromeliad plant from Mike and Ben. The story behind it was even better. They have a bromeliad plant that they call Ben’s mom’s plant because they got it in 2009 when she passed away. So every time it blooms it reminds them of her. So we found a special place for the plant and hope it will last for a very long time. It was such a thoughtful gesture. We are so lucky to know Mike and Ben. 

A Death in the Family

She was 97 years old. But to me she will always be young at heart, so generous and independent. That was my mom. One week ago this afternoon she passed away at home in Florida - in the same house we moved to in 1960. She was completely in charge until the end. The last year has been very difficult for her. I knew she was failing but believed she would pull out if it. But logically speaking I knew that wouldn’t be the case this time. I treasure the weekly phone calls we had since I moved out of the house in 1975 - and the almost daily emails over the last many years since she got her first iPad. I had a feeling our visit in December would be the last. It was the best birthday I can remember. Mom and Dad made funeral arrangements many years ago, and they would be buried at Florida National Cemetery. Dad was 21 years in the Coast Guard and Mom was in the Navy. So Mom joined Dad on Wednesday after the military honors. I’m sure Dad is happy now. It’s going to take a while for me to get used to all of this. 

A Special Christmas Card

It is unusual to receive "hard copy" cards anymore in the mail. Most everything is on line. But there is always one card that has arrived every year since I can remember. This one happened to be both a birthday and Christmas card combined, and had a picture of a pooch on it. This person knows me well! I've saved just about every one of these greetings and this will be no exception. There used to be two names on it, but now there is only one. Since we lost my Dad in June, my mom has soldiered on. Even though she is in her nineties and has an iPad, this envelope with the familiar but shakier handwriting means more than ever. So I'm thankful that she is still with us, and we are looking forward to seeing her very soon. Thanks Mom!