Persian Taarof and Breakfast

For the first time in over two years we made plans to visit with old friends for breakfast. I’ve known them for fifty years! She was in Florida State nursing school with me; her husband was her boyfriend then. My husband first met them on a trip through Tallahassee on our way to visit my parents eons ago. We followed each other’s lives since graduation. He worked in Alexandria for a few years when we first moved to DC and she would commute in and out from their home on the west coast. So we got reacquainted. We had the opportunity to meet up this week and it was grand. As always the issue of who pays gets raised. We insisted because they were our guests. They were staying in Williamsburg and drove in from there. The least we could do was pay for breakfast. And when you’ve been with an Iranian as long as I have you learn about Taarof.  My husband once lost a favorite tie when he offered it to someone who admired it. When he asked if they would like it they literally took it! Another example/joke: a lady is having twins, at the time of delivery each one of the twins says “you go first: and keep going back and forth. Finally, there are two old men still in utero saying “you go first.” Anyway we had such a wonderful time. It was like no time had passed since the last time we were face to face about 6-7 years ago. We have stayed in touch and I’m so glad we have. It makes all the difference in the world. 

According to Wikipedia: 

“Taarof is a ritual politeness that levels the playing field and promotes equality in a hierarchical culture.^[2] Taarof between friends, or a host and guest, emphasizes the value of friendship as a priority to everything else in the world.^[3] Another understanding is that taarof is a way of managing social relations with decorous manners. It could be used as a basis for mutual goodwill (positively) or as "a social or political weapon that confuses the recipient and puts him at a disadvantage" (negatively).^[4] Those who are intimately familiar with Iranian culture seem to agree that taarof is one of the most fundamental things to understand about Iranian culture.^[1][5][6]”